APRONS (4M, 5W)

                                                  The opening, with Avery face down in a                                                  a meringue pie, sets the tone for the the                                              entire farce, and the comedy never stops.                                         stops. -- Editor, Eldridge Publishing

The mistress of a Long Island estate is very rich, completely eccentric, and suspiciously homicidal and yet she regularly gets lost in her own home. So how has she managed to get away with murder? Lady Di has accomplices of course! Four of them to be exact: Adeline, Lydia, Angel, and Felicity, each uniformed in a white apron, armed with a feather duster, and humorously dangerous as they have chosen to protect their employer from the police in order to perpetuate their very generous incomes. But when the body count takes a sudden jump, the camaraderie of the maids begins to unravel into comedic chaos as they struggle to sweep the bodies under the rug and hidden from both an attorney and from an off-duty homicide detective who happens to be married to one of them. And when confession leads to arrest, the women learn the valuable lesson that crime doesn’t pay…or does it?

  Laugh Until You... 

"False advertising! The show was not a ‘laugh your @$$ off’ comedy, it was a ‘laugh until you pee your pants’ comedy!”
— Alyssa Sobba, Garnett, KS

  Best of Your Scripts 

"Not one of your best scripts, it is the best of your scripts!"             — Alvin Peters,  forensics coach & director, Garnett, KS


ADELINE — Chief maid and head cook. The leader, strong and eloquent.

ANGEL — A maid. Mouthy and flirtatious and a little rough around the edges.

FELICITY – A maid. Prim and proper and slightly over-reactive.

LYDIA — Timid and Naïve and a little bit blonde.

DIANDRA MATTREL-VON SCHMIDT (LADY DI) —The Lady of the House – Ditzy, rich, former actress, rich, eccentric, rich, mentally unstable, but rich! Get’s lost in her own home.

ERLING KNOWELS – Diandra’s attorney and business manager. In charge of the affairs of the estate.

AVERY HOLLIS – A self-proclaimed lady’s man and all around jackass.

GREER JENSEN – A likeable man struggling with his sexual preferences.

THADDEUS BONNAIRE – A flamboyant homosexual chef, highly conceited.

Setting: The breakfast nook of the vast kitchen of the rambling manor of the VonSchmidt Estate, Long Island, NY